I Don't Love You
by xSlytherclaWx
Summary: ReLy Challenge response. Lily doesn't love James. James, Severus, and Remus all love Lily. Regulus is a Quidditch star. Helena's confused. Jessica's boy crazy. And Gerard and Mikey Way are Helena's COUSINS? -le sigh- only in this story. Title credits MCR
1. Lily Doesn't Love James

I Don't Love You

_**I Don't Love You**_

_**Chapter One**_

_**Author's Note:**__ This is based off of a challenge I gave a friend, and decided to try for myself. I have another version lined up, but the criteria is as follows:_

_**Pairings:**__ Lily/Remus; Jessi/Sirius; Helena/Regulus; Peter/a rat; James/OC; Snape/OC_

_**Friendships**__: Jessi/Lily/Snape; Helena/Remus/James/Sirius/OC_

_**Houses:**__ Jessi/Hufflepuff; Helena/Ravenclaw; (James's girl) OC/Gryffindor; (Snape's girl) OC/Slytherin_

_**Quotes:**_

_Anyone: "You know, he's not that bad"; "dun dun dahh!"_

_Remus: "Chocolate!"_

_Helena: "Le sigh"_

_Jessi: "Pepsi!"_

_James: "Quidditch. Owns!"_

_Sirius: "Sex, alcohol, and Rock 'n' Roll!"_

_Snape: "Just… shut up."_

_Lily: "You think I care? I love you!" (must be to Remus)_

_Regulus: "I'm not a fucking Death Eater and I'm not going to be, so shut. The fuck. Up, already!!"_

_Peter: "But look at her nose, it's gorgeous!" (to which someone must say: "Uh… Pete… she's __rat__."_

_Either OC: "Pirates __**OWN!**__"_

_**Situations:**__ Jessi and Sirius must get locked in a closet by Mulciber; James must be hit with a bludger; Remus and Lily must be locked in the Divination teacher's office over Christmas Holidats; Regulus must be smart, funny, and punk and __must__ have a fanclub, which must make Helena laugh._

_**Other:**__ can be oneshot or multichapter. Jessi & Helena must be cousins._

_**How the hell this transpired:**__ Jessi and I are in Algebra 1 together, and she and I were writing notes to each other (we sit next to each other) and I asked who in the Marauder's time did she think we'd fall for, and she said, for her, Sirius, for me, Regulus. And yeah, Helena's kinda me…. Er, yeah, so here goes! This takes place in 1996, not 1979._

**A note about the POV:** It's generally Helena's, but there are bits which she's not there for, but need to be included, so I'm calling it Helena/General.

**-x-X-x-**

**Helena/General POV**

**-x-**

"I… I don't love him, Helena," Lily said quietly. "And Arwen loves him, and he's probably going to propose to me, and… oh, this is just _awful_!"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, if my dumb ass of a cousin hadn't been so hardheaded, we wouldn't have this problem."

"He knows I don't care! He _knows_! And I thought all those secretive looks and glances meant he loved me, too… I don't love James, I mean, I do, but like a brother, and… and I'd _never_ be able to have sex with him or anything…"

"La la la, I'm not listening!"

"Oh, will you _shut up?_"

I stuck my tongue out at her. "My cousins are coming over. Mikey and Gerard."

"I'm having a crisis here!"

"Tell James, he'll understand."

"You do it!"

I shrugged and Disapparated.

The nineteen-year-old Lily sighed. "Just lovely."

Meanwhile, Arwen Prince was having an episode.

"Merlin, Arwen!" Severus yelled, ducking, "Stop!"

"This is the first time I've ever seen you display fear," Regulus smirked, balancing a nearby chair on its back two legs.

There was a loud _crack_ and I appeared.

"'Ello, all."

"Calm her down!"

"Yes, hello Severus, thanks for letting me talk, I'm doing fine, how about you?"

Regulus laughed.

"Hey, Lena," he grinned.

"'Sup, Reg? Actually, I'm here on official Lily/James business."

Severus and his cousin froze.

"Now you've gone and done it, love," Regulus smirked. "They'll be ready to kill you in about thirty seconds."

"_Love?_ Regulus, last I checked, you and I had no romantic implications whatsoever."

"Yes, yes, well, be thankful everyone here has _some_ intellect."

"_Anyway_, Lily doesn't love James."

Arwen and Severus both began talking at once.

"Will you two let me finish? I said Lily doesn't love James, _but_, Severus, she loves my dear cousin Remus."

"The _lycanthrope_?" Severus asked.

"Yes, _that_ Remus. But, Arwen, that means James is free?"

"Ha!" Severus exclaimed. "There's no chance of that! Potter's–"

"Been after Lily since his first year," Regulus and I chorused. "We know."

"Anyway, I have to go talk to James about it. But, Severus, she still hasn't forgiven you. I can't believe you'd be that stupid…"

Regulus laughed.

"I mean, if you'd called her almost _anything_ else… Gryffindork, goody-goody, et cetera, you would've been fine… but _noooo_, you need to use the unforgiveable 'M word'."

"Just… shut up. Helena, shut up."

"Anywuggles, my cousins are coming, and I'm dragging Regulus. And Arwen. You might scare them, Severus. Though, they _do_ love vampires. And, in advance, they're Muggles, so no magic. Love ya, bye!'

With a grin, I Disapparated again.

"Did… we just… agree to show a couple of… Muggles around London?" Severus asked.

"Sounds it," Regulus asked, balancing the chair on its two back legs again. "Should be amusing."

**-x-**

"Soooo, how d'you like London?"

Mikey laughed. "We've been here for a total of fifteen minutes."

"Well… uh… I know a guy who looks just like a vampire, I swear! Oh! Look! It's Regulus!"

"And _I'm_ insane?" Gerard muttered.

"Regulus, where's Sir Sulks-A-Lot?"

He laughed. "Sulking, what else? Arwen's trying to drag him, she was fairing pretty well, until…"

"James! What are you doing here?"

"Going to America." He sniffled dramatically. "My life's over."

"But… you had to have _known_ and they didn't _do_ anything, I mean, come on, now, love, he's Remus…"

"She loves me… like a brother! I don't want to be her fucking brother! Oh, wait, how old are you?"

"Sixteen," Mikey said.

"Well then, I was going to fucking propose to her! Propose! Thank God that you came to talk to me, I was getting ready to buy the ring…"

"Regulus?"

"Hmm?"

"Call your brother, please?"

He rolled his eyes and went to "find a payphone."

More likely than not, he Apparated out of the bathroom.

"So… your friends are full of pep."

I grinned in spite of myself. "Well, you should see James when he's not sulky. And Sirius. Those two were the popular arses."

Gerard raised an eyebrow.

"Do you ever wish you were a vampire?" I asked.

"Everyday."

"Do you have any good horror movies?" Mikey asked.

"Well, duh."

"What about the kid that just went to find a payphone?"

"What about him?"

Gerard hummed the wedding march under his breath.

"Will you shut up?"

Gerard rolled his eyes and began to hum a Misfits song.

"Back!" Regulus called. "Sirius should be here in a few minutes."

"James, I'm curious, what are you going to America to do?"

"Jump off the Empire State Building."

"Don't try it," Gerard began, "They won't let you."

I raised an eyebrow, to which Gerard shrugged.

"Hello all of my lovely people. Motley, how are you this fine morning?"

"It's afternoon, and your best mate is threatening to go to New York City and jump off of the Empire State Building."

"But… James, mate, you've got so much to live for! Let's go to a bar, you're single!"

Regulus buried his face in his hands. "I can't be related to him…"

I restrained from a wise ass comment.

"Or, let's go to London! I know the perfect way to pick up girls!"

"Oh, dear Lord," I groaned.

"Christ," Regulus muttered.

**-x-**

"So, yeah, where's Brie?" Gerard asked.

"She's in LA at the moment. But, you two unpack, I've got to stop Sirius from getting himself shot."

Mikey laughed and I left.

"Where is he?" I asked Regulus.

"Tottingham Court Road."

"Fucking moron."

Sirius, was indeed on Tottingham Court Road. Keyword: _on_. He was standing in the middle of the road, singing horribly.

"The Marauders, five close-knit friends, since the first day until the end. PILLAGING! Pranking, fun fun _fun_. Sneakin' 'round school. There's Prongs, he's the leader, I guess, Jet black hair, has eyes, and glasses. Moony, he's the "sensible" one, but this blue-eyed boy knows how to have fun! Wormtail, he's tryin' to fit in 'cause he's fat. Motley, she's the only girl in the crew, she's punk rock, and hotter than you" Sirius spotted a pretty girl "Oh, except for you- She's as smart as Moony, knows loads of stuff, a wise ass, not afraid to get in trouble. And then the best for last was Padfoot, far hotter than Motley. Gorgeous black hair, sparking grey eyes, muscular, with a charming smile. He's a ladies man, with a lovely voice. There are other people, too: Deputy, Evans, and Black, but they're not important enough to be in the pack!" He waited a few seconds before… "BUH-duhm-PA!"

"I can't be related to him… I can't be."

I laughed.

"Motley, m'love, what do you think?"

"I'd love to meet this Padfoot person."

"I'd love to change my hair and my name and move away."

"That hurt," Sirius sniffled, "right here." He pointed to his heart. "And I _am_ a muscular ladies' man, with gorgeous black hair, sparkling grey eyes, a charming smile, and a lovely voice."

"Mate, that's Regulus. Well… minus the ladies' man bit."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Sirius?" Regulus asked.

"Yep?"

"You've got rolls."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yes you do," James and I chorused.

"Mate, we love you here, but, you have rolls from eating so much junk. Regulus doesn't," I said.

"And you can't sing. I haven't heard him," James indicated Regulus, "but I bet he's better."

"And as for the 'ladies' man' bit, yes, Sirius, you are indeed a man-whore."

Sirius looked highly offended at the truth. "But… I wanna be a rock star! Sex, alcohol, and rock 'n' roll!"

"You're already a drunken man-whore half the time," I started, "but don't give up your day job."

"But…" Sirius, again, sniffled dramatically.

"Let's get him home, I've got a feeling he's about to embarrass us even _more_," James muttered.

"I _embarrass _you?"

"Yes," James, Regulus, and I all chorused.

Sirius gasped. James grabbed his arm and began dragging him away. "I should get paid for this," he muttered.

As we were walking back to my sister's house, Regulus turned to me. "So… I'm muscular, have gorgeous black hair and sparkling grey eyes, a charming smile, and a lovely voice?" he smirked.

"You're on the Ballycastle Bats, you're a fucking Black, so the hair and eyes are pretty much a given, as is the smile, and pretty much anyone can sing better than Sirius. Don't flatter yourself."

He rolled his eyes. "Just admit that you're hopelessly in love with me."

"Nah… I bet Sirius is _way_ better than you."

Regulus's jaw dropped. "You are completely sick."

"And you love me for it."

He muttered something that sounded like, "Yeah… I know."

"You should hear Gerard sing, though. He's really excellent," I said as I opened the door.

"Your mum's a Muggleborn, and his aunt, and doesn't he know…?"

"He knows about magic, yes, but not the full extent of it. So no Apparating, flooing, flying, et cetera. The International Statute of Secrecy comes into play."

"Ah…"

There was a scream of "Pepsi!" and Gerard's exclamation of "What the fuck?"

"Sounds like Jessi's back."

Regulus laughed.

**-x-**

"Ah, relaxing," Lily sighed. "A weekend without boys…"

"Er, not exactamatactaly," Jessi began.

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" I yelled, standing up.

Remus was at the door.

"_Jessica!_"

"Well… I invited Ballycastle's newest Seeker, too."

"I'm going to go fucking Crucio on your arse!"

Jessi laughed. "Anywho, I'm staying here."

"Hope you love horror movies. Er, Helena, where's _It_?" Gerard asked.

"Should be with the other movies."

"Bye, now," Jessi yelled, running out of the door.

"So, Lily, I… I need to talk to you."

Lily nodded. "Right, well, Helena's room's empty, right?

"Yes, Lily."

She and Remus went upstairs.

I wasn't sure if Jessi had really invited Regulus or if she was just trying to piss me off.

As if on cue, an owl came rapping on the window with a note. The note read:

_Helena, Lily, and Jessi:_

_I can't come over to watch movies or anything tonight, our captain's making us do extra practice._

_-Regulus_

I sighed. "Thank God."

"Motley! Love! Where's the Moonster?"

I jumped. "Sirius, why the fuck did you Apparate in here with no warning?"

"Because I'm just that damn awesome!"

"What's up?"

"A meeting for the Marauders of Awesome."

"Uh… Remus is upstairs… talking to Lily…"

Sirius groaned. "Great. Oi!" he called up the stairs, "_Moonster!_ Get your arse down here! Marauders' Meeting!"

There was no reply.

"Motley, Motley, Motley… _get Remus's arse down here!_"

I rolled my eyes and slowly made my way up the stairs. I heard arguing in my room. Mikey and Gerard had gotten some popcorn and were sitting outside of the nearly-but-not-quite-shut door. Remus and Lily were, apparently, arguing. I sat down next to my cousins.

"Lily, I'm too damn dangerous! You deserve someone like James. He loves you!"

"Severus loves me, too, but I'm not about to do anything with him!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this. James is my best mate, and, I mean, God, Lily, of course I love you, but, he's my friend, and he loves you, too. Plus–"

"You think I _care?_" she screamed. "_I love you_! James knows it, and he'll get over me, but, I won't get over you! Fuck, Remus, I'll die an old maid if I can't have you!"

"You don't mean that!"

"Yes, I– oh, fuck it!"

I heard her walk across the room and heard Remus being shoved against a wall. Of course, she was snogging him.

"Hellooo?"

"Fuck," I muttered. Of all times, James had to arrive now. I stood up and rapped on the door.

Remus came to the door, red-faced. "Uh…?"

"Sirius and James are here for a Maruaders' Meeting, I dunno where Pete is."

"Uh… right. Lily… uh… I'll telephone you, okay?"

Lily nodded mutely before shutting the door. There was a _crack_ and I knew she'd Disapparated.

"So… uh, you two can go watch movies or listen to music or whatever, but you can't invade the Marauders' Meetings… ever."

Gerard rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom."

"Gerard Arthur Way, you keep your damn arse up here or else. I don't care if you fucking blast the Misfits or Morrissey, or blast a horror movie with screams and shit. Just stay up here. Seriously."

"I can do whatever I want?"

"Except going in mine and Jessi's rooms... though I doubt you'd want to enter Jessi's room anyway."

Mikey laughed as Remus and I went downstairs.

"Moonster!"

Remus rolled his eyes and high-fived Sirius.

"Padfoot, can we just get this over with?"

"Where's Wormtail?" I asked.

"He doesn't know. See, this is the problem… he's got this pet rat…"

"What, does he _lurve_ it?" I teased.

"I think so," Padfoot responded seriously.

"Dayum."

"Yeah," Remus said.

"Uh, guys? Can you let me in?"

Speak of the devil.

"Sure, Wormy, have you got your new pet with you?" Sirius asked.

"She's not a _pet_, she's Barbara!"

I snorted. I mean, who names a rat _Barbara_?

James rolled his eyes and opened the door.

"How's Barbie?" Sirius asked.

"It's Barbara, and I haven't talked to her today. Here," he set Barbara's cage down and transformed into his Animagus form, a rat.

It took all of my strength not to laugh. I looked over and saw that my fellow Marauders were in similar positions. Minus Peter, of course. He and Barbara were sniffing each other and squeaking.

Ten minutes of nearly dying of suppressed laughter later, Peter turned back into a human.

"She's happy. You know, I've been considering becoming a rat full-time."

"'Scuse me," Sirius gasped, running upstairs, where the sounds of Morrissey would drown out his laughter.

"But look at her nose, it's gorgeous!"

"Uh… Pete… she's _rat_," James said.

"I need to… music…"

I ran upstairs and into the room Gerard was staying in.

"Dayum, G, you personalized this fast," I said, after I'd laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Our friend Peter…"

"Not asking," he said shortly, turning the record player up to ear-bleeding level.

I laughed and walked out.

When I got back downstairs, James had left.

"Well, Barbara and I have to be going…" Peter said as he grabbed the cage and left.

"He's probably going to impregnate Barbara," Sirius laughed after Peter had gone.

"Thanks for the mental images, Padfoot. I'm going to go home and try to get them out."

Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus Disapparated.

"I need to talk to you."

"What about?"

"Regulus."

_**Author's Note:**__ Originally a oneshot, but I had to make it more than one_

_Check out SnowStorm752's profile to see her version of the challenge_


	2. Gerard and Mikey Love Coffee

_**I Don't Love You**_

_**Chapter Two**_

_**Author's Note:**__ This is based off of a challenge I gave a friend, and decided to try for myself. I have another version lined up, but the criteria is as follows:_

_**Pairings:**__ Lily/Remus; Jessi/Sirius; Helena/Regulus; Peter/a rat; James/OC; Snape/OC_

_**Friendships**__: Jessi/Lily/Snape; Helena/Remus/James/Sirius/OC_

_**Houses:**__ Jessi/Hufflepuff; Helena/Ravenclaw; (James's girl) OC/Gryffindor; (Snape's girl) OC/Slytherin_

_**Quotes:**_

_Anyone: "You know, he's not that bad";__"dun dun dahh!"_

_Remus: "Chocolate!"_

_Helena: "Le sigh"_

_Jessi: "Pepsi!"_

_James: "Quidditch. Owns!"_

_Sirius: "Sex, alcohol, and Rock 'n' Roll!"_

_Snape: "Just… shut up."_

_Lily: "You think I care? I love you!" (must be to Remus)_

_Regulus: "I'm not a fucking Death Eater and I'm not going to be, so shut. The fuck. Up, already!!"_

_Peter: "But look at her nose, it's gorgeous!" (to which someone must say: "Uh… Pete… she's __rat__."_

_Either OC: __"Pirates __**OWN!**__"_

_**Situations:**__Jessi and Sirius must get locked in a closet by Mulciber;__ James must be hit with a bludger; __Remus and Lily must be locked in the Divination teacher's office over Christmas Holidays;__Regulus must be smart, funny, and punk and __must__ have a fanclub, which must make Helena laugh._

_**Other:**__ can be oneshot or multichapter. Jessi & Helena must be cousins._

_**How the hell this transpired:**__ Jessi and I are in Algebra 1 together, and she and I were writing notes to each other (we sit next to each other) and I asked who in the Marauder's time did she think we'd fall for, and she said, for her, Sirius, for me, Regulus. And yeah, Helena's kinda me…. Er, yeah, so here goes! This takes place in 1996, not 1979._

**A note about the POV:** It's generally Helena's, but there are bits which she's not there for, but need to be included, so I'm calling it Helena/General.

**-x-X-x-**

**Helena/General POV**

**-x-**

"What _about_ Regulus?" I asked.

"You fancy him."

"I do _not_!"

"Liar."

"I'm not lying!"

"What about all the flirting? You called him muscular, and handsome," Sirius accused.

"Because he is. That's not flirting. You've got a cute face, Sirius, but, you've got fat rolls."

Sirius stuck his tongue out at me. "Face it. You love Regulus."

"I do _not_! Sirius Orion Black, don't you dare…"

"You fancy my brother!"

"I… shut up!"

"So you do!"

"Sirius!" I yelled.

"What?"

"I. Do not. Fancy. _Regulus!_"

"Speak of the devil," Sirius muttered. I stepped on his foot and opened the door. There were girls running down the street after him.

"Can I come in? Please?"

I rolled my eyes. "Sure."

He ran in and I shut –and locked– the door.

"Who the fuck were they?"

"My fan club."

I laughed. "You've got a fan club?"

"Famous Quidditch player, love."

"Still… you…"

"Just… what's that?"

"Oh, the music? Morrissey."

Regulus raised an eyebrow. "Can I hide out here for a while?"

"'Hide out'?" I asked.

"You _did_ see them, right?"

"Yes, Regulus, I did."

"Where'd he go?" a girl outside yelled.

"Dun dun dahh!" Sirius sang.

"My ears," I groaned.

"Well aren't you nice?"

"Reg, how long would you be hiding out here?"

"Next practice is Friday morning."

It was Tuesday. "So until Friday?"

"Please?"

I groaned. "Fine."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Hey, Sirius, mate?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you go see if the fangirls are gone? Just Apparate into the alleyway, and walk out there?"

"Sure…"

He Disapparated.

I laughed. "I can't believe he did that."

There was a girlish scream outside.

"Yeah, I think the fangirls got him."

**-x-**

_I was back at Hogwarts. There was a Quidditch game between Hufflepuff, Jessica's House, and Ravenclaw, my House. Jessica and Sirius had disappeared some time ago._

"_Hey, Hamilton?"_

_I looked up to see Mulciber._

"_Scum?"_

"_Deputy and Black got caught in a closet. You might want to help them. I mean, two whores of blood traitors in a closet together? I think any professor, prefect, or anyone else might find that an unpleasant sight."_

_Secretly, I agreed with him. But, Sirius was one of my best friends, and so was Jessica. And Mulciber was, as mentioned previously, scum._

_So, I pushed him._

_And he fell…_

_About a hundred feet into the pitch._

"_Oh shit."_

I heard a scream and shot up. I'd fallen asleep. Gerard or Mikey must've been watching a horror movie at… 1:30 in the morning. Of course, it'd be 8:30 at night with their jet lag. I though back to my dream. That was odd, I didn't often relive memories in dreams, and I wondered why I did so then…

And then I saw Regulus, on whose shoulder I'd fallen asleep. Of course. He'd trigger a Quidditch-related dream.

Hmm… he smelled good. I mean… oh shit. I should wake him up or something…

I shook his shoulder.

"Wuzzat?"

There. "Regulus, we fell asleep watching… er, was it _Edward Scissorhands?"_

"Oh, right. Now, where am I sleeping?"

Shit. I hadn't thought about that. Mikey and Gerard were in separate rooms, Jessi had her room, and I mine, and there was Brie's room, but that was preppy and covered with Johnny Depp posters and her landscape and seascape paintings.

No guestroom.

"Uh…"

He raised an eyebrow. "Your sister's room's the only one free, isn't it?"

"…Maybe? I can sleep in there, though… you can have my room, if you want it."

He shrugged. "I just want sleep…"

Once I was settled in Brie's room (I'd had to magically speed-clean my room… why the hell was I so messy? …Why the hell did I care?) I realized how tired I was. Strangely, I wasn't the least bit affected by the Johnny Depp posters or the pink. I'd grown up with her, after all.

"_So, you're staying for holidays?" I asked Lily. She shrugged._

"_Yeah. I mean, Remus and I will be the only Gryffindors, there are a few Hufflepuffs, a couple of Ravenclaws, and Severus… It's not going to be bad. Remus'll keep me company."_

"_Uh-huh," Jessi said._

"_Shut up, Jessica Anne Deputy!"_

_I rolled my eyes. Strangely, I missed my sister. Holidays were looking welcoming._

_Then, there was a part I didn't recognize. Remus and Lily were up in the Divination professor's office. The trapdoor entrance closed with a __snap__. Lily turned to Remus, wide-eyed._

"_I don't have my wand…"_

"_Nor do I. But I can try to open it, by hand."_

_After a few minutes, it was clear it was no use. "So, uh, Lily, how do you suppose we get to sleep up here?"_

"_What?"_

"_Well, no one knows we're up here, and it's Holidays, and the professor's gone, so…"_

"_Remus?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Kiss me," Lily whispered._

_Remus leaned in, and when their lips were within a centimeter of each other he stopped._

"_I… I can't, Lily. It's James. I really do like you, like this, but, James is my best mate, and I can't betray him."_

"_He won't find out."_

"_But the guilt would kill me."_

"_Then, you don't have to be guilty."_

"_Wha-?" Remus began, but he was cut off my Lily kissing him._

_The scene changed again, and Jessi was bouncing along in front of me to Lily. I was on my way to a Marauders' Meeting, in Gryffindor Tower (Remus gave me the passwords every time it changed). I was an Animagus as well, a giant panda which led to a load of jokes. Including ones about my excess eyeliner._

"_MOTLEY!" Sirius and James screamed, hugging me._

"_Boys, boys, I can't breathe!"_

_They let go of me. "So, meeting?"_

"_Yeah," James said as Remus and Peter joined us. "I think I know how I can get Lily."_

_Remus glanced over towards Lily guiltily._

I woke up to hear Celine Dion singing. Of course. My sister's alarm was set at… 8:00. Well, it was a decent hour, anyway.

I went downstairs quietly, only to hear Sirius and Regulus arguing. I cast a disinlusionment Charm on myself and entered the kitchen through the open door.

"Regulus, I don't want you hurting her. Motley's my best girl friend, and she… don't hurt her, or you'll be dead."

"You're implying that I'm a Death Eater."

"Well, you certainly haven't left their house, have you?"

"I'm not a Death Eater."

"How do I know?"

Regulus pulled back his left sleeve. There wasn't a Dark Mark.

"How do I know you're not aiming to be one?"

"Fuck, Sirius! Do you think I'd do something that _stupid_?"

"Most of your friends have."

"I'm not a fucking Death Eater and I'm not going to be, so shut. The fuck. Up, already!!" Regulus yelled.

"If you two _do_ go out, and you hurt her… I'll make sure you'll wish you'd never been born."

"D'you think I'd hurt her?"

"Not if you care about her as much as you say you do…"

"I do, Sirius, I wouldn't lie about that."

"Just… don't hurt her," Sirius muttered as he Disapparated.

This was just great, Regulus fancied me?

Lovely. I mean, it wasn't _bad_, but, he was… well I don't know what.

He was a jock! There. He played Quidditch. Professionally.

Gerard and I had said long ago that we wouldn't date athletes or cheerleaders… looking, however…

Stop it! He's Sirius's brother! A Slytherin! A Quidditch player! That's enough not to… oh, shit he looks upset.

Damn! There I go again! He _does_ look upset, but… I don't have to…

Regulus groaned.

And Gerard came in the kitchen. "Coffee?" he mumbled.

"Uh… what?"

"'Z there any coffee?" he repeated, half-asleep.

"No. I just got up a little bit ago."

Liar.

I quickly left the room and lifted the charm. When I reentered, not much had changed.

"Lena, where can I get some coffee?"

"There's a Starbucks down the street, if you want."

"Meh…"

"Or you can leave the room for a few minutes and I can brew some."

He went out to the living room.

With a flick of my wand, I set the coffee brewing.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, sitting across from Regulus.

"Meh…"

"No, see, that's what Gerard gets to say when he's tired. And what I get to say when I bored. And Mikey when he's trying to do something. _You_ do not have permission to use 'meh'."

"What _can_ I use then?"

"Nyeh?"

He rolled his eyes. "Because that's so much different."

"Damn straight it is."

"Coffee!" I heard Mikey yell.

"They're coffee addicts, aren't they?" Regulus asked.

"Coffee is to them as chocolate is to Remus, as Pepsi is to Jessi…"

"So, yeah?"

"Obviously."

How to approach the topic of Regulus fancying me…?

"_COFFEE!"_ Mikey yelled, running into the kitchen.

The coffee had finished brewing, luckily. The whole kitchen smelled of coffee.

"_Gerard!_ There's coffee in here!"

Gerard came running in, the very _thought_ of coffee had woken him up.

"Wow, all of my cousins are mental. Gerard and Mikey with their coffee and gory horror movies," I began; Mikey grinned and Gerard smirked, "Jessi with her Pepsi and …purple-ness –don't ask–" I added to Regulus, who had one eyebrow raised, "Remus with his chocolate and the fact that he acts all innocent, when really, he's just as devious as Sirius and James."

"And you?" Regulus asked.

"There's absolutely nothing mental with me…"

"Aside from the fact that your love of gore and horror rivals mine," Gerard said, taking a sip from his mug of coffee.

"And that you go to America at least once a month _just_ to go to Hot Topic," Mikey added.

"And you think that Mikey and I'll be in a famous band in ten years!"

"You went into a very intense and detailed explanation of Middle Earth when in first year, even though I'd read all of the _Lord of the Rings_ twice," Remus put in.

"Remus! How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to hear you call me mental."

"…I called you a devious chocoholic."

"_And_ mental."

"Er… you, Gerard, and Mikey are my favorite cousins? Besides. Mikey's adorable, Gerard's not_ completely_ psychotic…"

"Hey!" Gerard interjected, "I'm not psycho! I just like psychotic things!"

I rolled my eyes. "You're just lucky that you can go get sloshed at eighteen over here."

"Really?"

Shit.

"But I'd have to throw you out... like I did to Sirius that time, 'member, Moony?"

Remus sighed. "Yes. He was sloshed, butchering the Rolling Stones and you ever so politely told him to… oh, what was it? Ah, I remember. You said, and I quote, 'Sirius, get the fuck out of here you drunk bastard before you puke all over my sister's shit and she murders my damn arse!' He objected, with what, none of us could tell, it was so slurred, and you physically shoved him out into the street, where he smashed his head and had to get… thirteen stitches?"

I nodded, grinning. "Sounds about right."

Regulus stared at me blankly. "You didn't have to make him smash his head. You know, he's not _that_ bad."

"_I_ didn't make him smash his head! I stood him out on the doorstep and he was so drunk he stumbled and fell… it's not my fault, I say! You can't prove anything!"

Mikey shoved a new mug of coffee into my hands. "Drink it now and save us all the madness, Helena."

I pouted. "Fine."

I began to drink the coffee. I was about halfway done when I heard a cheery voice, followed by a very depressed and downtrodden one, call greetings.

Arwen Prince and Diana Greengrass came in.

Diana, a former Slytherin, was the cheery one. Arwen, a former Gryffindor, was the depressed one.

"Helena, darling, you'll never guess!"

"Lily and James broke up?"

"Yes!"

Not news. Regulus and I already knew. So did Gerard and Mikey (though they had no idea who the hell Lily was and why this was a big deal)… and James and Lily obviously… and Sirius, but he was… where was he? Oh, that's right, I threw him to the fangirls. And he came back, I wondered if the fangirls got him again.

There was an immediate change in atmosphere. Mikey muttered, "I wanna go watch zombies," and left; Gerard rolled his eyes and went upstairs to blast Danzig; Regulus groaned; Remus stood up straighter; Arwen cheered up; I sighed and sipped some of my coffee; and Diana positively glowed, extremely happy that her latest tidbit of news had such an effect.

"How do you know?" Remus asked.

Regulus groaned louder.

"Hey, pretty boy, I'd watch it or your fan club will realize that it's Sirius they caught," Diana snapped. "…My sister Artemis is in it. Blasted moron… can't they see you're nothing compared to– anyway," she said loudly, correcting herself.

"How would your sister know it was Sirius?"

Diana turned to Regulus. "Do you really want to know that?"

"Uh…"

Diana made suggestive hand gestures. I coughed to cover a laugh. Regulus looked absolutely disgusted.

"I'm going to… Helena can you show me how to work the Muggle telly?"

"No, I wanna hear this. Details?" I pressed. I had to know_ how_ they knew.

"Well, obviously, Arwen and I are Lily's friends. I mean, I work with her at St. Mungo's and Arwen's been her friend since first year. So, Lily just told us that she and James broke up! Just like that. She loves someone else, but it isn't Severus, she told Arwen and I that straightaway, but she wouldn't tell us who, and it's positively _killing_ me. Anyway, Arwen and I got into an argument."

"Which is…?" Remus asked.

"Pirates or ninjas?"

"Pirates obviously! I mean, they're so piratical and rogue and wicked cool… plus, they kill people… with swords!" I exclaimed.

"But ninjas have ninja stars!" Diana argued.

"Helena's right! Pirates _OWN!__"_

"Helena… the telly?"

I felt sort of bad about leaving Remus to the mercy of Arwen and Diana, but, I needed to figure out how to talk to Regulus about what I'd… overheard.

So we left. I put a Muffliato charm up before turning on the telly.

_Saved by the Bell_ was on. Sweet. Wait –not sweet. I need to talk to Regulus. I mean, I don't have time to worry about Screech and Lisa and Slater and Zack and Kelly and –oh my God! Kelly just got kissed by her boss! _While_ she was dating Zack! But… noooo!!

"Helena, are you okay? You're gaping at the screen."

"Kelly… boss… Zack…"

He sighed. "I need to talk to you."

"Ball. Romeo and Juliet… what'll happen to Kelly and Zack? _Nooo!!"_ I screamed. "Of course, there's always Vegas…"

"Helena…"

"But come on! It was obvious her boss was a creep! She's a bloody minor! He's at least nineteen! That's sexual assault!"

"Helena."

"But _noooo_ Miss Kelly had to work for the creep that was mind-raping her, and now she and Zack might be over for who knows _how_ long!"

"Helena!"

"But Zack loves her so much, I mean the first episode he even said it and how many times have he and Slater argued over her and she has to go and let this creep kiss her? Why, I say, why?"

"_Helena_! I'm trying to tell you something!"

"Why didn't she report him? And I mean, come on, Kelly and Zack are the perfect couple, and she throws it away for an arse-y, molesting, mind-raping, pedophile boss! Her _boss_!"

Regulus turned off the telly.

"What did you do _that_ for?"

"I need to talk to you!"

"You don't have to look all harassed about it."

"I just listened to you rant on about two people I don't even give a damn about, when I _really_ need to talk to you."

"Sorry," I muttered. "I got a bit carried away, I guess. So, what did you want to talk about?"

"I… I l–like you. I mean…"

"You mean?"

"Not… like a… er…"

"Wow, the ever-so-eloquent Regulus Black is at a loss for words?"

"I don't know why, I mean, you're certainly no angel… neither are any of your friends for that matter, but, what I'm trying to say is…"

"Is?" I pressed.

"I lo–like you. Love would be an exaggeration, albeit a small one. But… you know me. You know I'm not a Death Eater, you know I won't be, and you know that I'm not just an athlete, or a pretty boy…"

But he _is_ a jock. He _is_ a pretty boy. He _is_ popular. But… he means what he's saying.

"Now would be a great time to say something."

"Uh…" What was I supposed to say? That I was madly in love with him and let's go elope? That certainly wasn't true. Think, Helena, think. Tell the truth. I took a deep breath, and then: "You do realize that you really are a jock and a pretty boy, right?"

Apparently not. Wrong thing to say.

"But… you're right. You're not _just_ that. That's not who you are. And the fact that you're a Slytherin… I mean, look at Andromeda. I've always said that it's the people that make the House and not the House that makes the people, and she's brilliant proof of that. And… er…" Tell the truth, damn it! "You _are_ sweet, and you can definitely put up with my insanity, a feat in itself, I assure you. And, you really are hot, I don't blame that fangirls in that respect, though the stalking… that's a bit much. You've got enough intellect to have been a Ravenclaw, and I've got a feeling the only reason you weren't in Ravenclaw was because you didn't want to let you family down."

"…This is supposed to be an answer?"

"If you'll shut up it will be."

He rolled his eyes. "Continue."

"Er… and yeah, I know you're not a Death Eater… and I've known you since first year, as such I know you're not incapable of pranks. Especially those on professors. And, wait, I'm saying 'and' a lot, aren't I? Anyways, you're…" Tell the _fucking truth_, already! "as I said before, you're hot, and sweet, and funny, and I _do_ like you, but there's one thing major that bugs me: you still live with your parents. And I know, I know, we're both eighteen. It's got nothing to do with your age; it's all to do with the fact that, no offense meant, you parents are completely mental. Not in the 'okay-you're-a-little-bit-weird-or-off-your-rocker' mental, it's more 'all hail Voldemort' mental."

He sighed. "I know. But I'm not going to join the Death Eaters–"

"I know that," I cut him off. "But in case you haven't realized: I'm a Half-Blood. My cousins are Muggles, Aurors-in-Training, or Lycanthropes. And the fact that that's part of the reason I think they're all so awesome… yeah. And the fact that I call Voldemort by his name or the term 'that-hypocritical-Half-Blood-wanker'… yeah. I don't give a damn what the fuck your parents think, but there's no way in hell I'd date you if you're not going to leave that place."

"So, if I leave…" he began slowly, "you'll… date me?"

"I didn't say that. I said I won't date you if you don't leave that place."

"So, d'you like me or not?"

Tell the truth. Tell the truth. But… do I like him… like that? I mean– "What's that smell?"

"Hello, people!" Jessi greeted. Sirius was standing next to her, holding a rather large cauldron.

The smell emitting from it was really enticing. It smelled like… Regulus? Wait- that can't have been it. I mean, I could smell coffee, and the woods, and a mall, and… unless that was…

"Why do you two look all weird? I mean, I know it smells like Sirius and all, but–"

"Hey, Sirius," I asked, "Is that Amortentia?"

Sirius swelled with pride. "Yup! I stole it from Reggie's fangirls! You might want to steer clear of them, by the way…" he added to Regulus.

"Thanks," he said dryly.

"Who the fuck are you using that on?" I asked.

"Lily."

"That will in no way work," Regulus said. "She'll know what it is straight away. She's a _healer_."

"So?" Sirius asked loudly before marching into the kitchen.

"Heaven help us now," I muttered

_**Author's Note**__: This was supposed to be the last part, but it looks like I'll need more… -le sigh-_


	3. James Doesn't Love Lily?

_**I Don't Love You**_

_**Chapter Three**_

_**Author's Note:**__ This is based off of a challenge I gave a friend, and decided to try for myself. I have another version lined up, but the criteria is as follows:_

_**Pairings:**__ Lily/Remus; Jessi/Sirius; Helena/Regulus; Peter/a rat; James/OC; Snape/OC_

_**Friendships**__: Jessi/Lily/Snape; Helena/Remus/James/Sirius/OC_

_**Houses:**__ Jessi/Hufflepuff; Helena/Ravenclaw; (James's girl) OC/Gryffindor; (Snape's girl) OC/Slytherin_

_**Quotes:**_

_Anyone: "You know, he's not that bad";__"dun dun dahh!"_

_Remus: "Chocolate!"_

_Helena: "Le sigh"_

_Jessi: "Pepsi!"_

_James: "Quidditch. Owns!"_

_Sirius: "Sex, alcohol, and Rock 'n' Roll!"_

_Snape: "Just… shut up."_

_Lily: "You think I care? I love you!" (must be to Remus)_

_Regulus: "I'm not a fucking Death Eater and I'm not going to be, so shut. The fuck. Up, already!!"_

_Peter: "But look at her nose, it's gorgeous!" (to which someone must say: "Uh… Pete… she's __rat__."_

_Either OC: __"Pirates __**OWN!**__"_

_**Situations:**__Jessi and Sirius must get locked in a closet by Mulciber;__ James must be hit with a bludger; __Remus and Lily must be locked in the Divination teacher's office over Christmas Holidays;__Regulus must be smart, funny, and punk and __must__ have a fanclub, which must make Helena laugh._

_**Other:**__ can be oneshot or multichapter. Jessi & Helena must be cousins._

_**How the hell this transpired:**__ Jessi and I are in Algebra 1 together, and she and I were writing notes to each other (we sit next to each other) and I asked who in the Marauder's time did she think we'd fall for, and she said, for her, Sirius, for me, Regulus. And yeah, Helena's kinda me…. Er, yeah, so here goes! This takes place in 1996, not 1979._

**A note about the POV:** It's generally Helena's, but there are bits which she's not there for, but need to be included, so I'm calling it Helena/General.

**-x-X-x-**

**Helena/General POV**

**-x-**

After Sirius had marched into the kitchen, Jessi spoke.

"…It smelled like Sirius."

"No it didn't," I said. "It might've for you, though. It smells differently to each person depending on what attracts them. Apparently you love Sirius, and his scent. Which is odd, because half of the time, he smells like wet dog."

Regulus laughed, but it sounded forced. "You fancy my brother?"

"Well… Peter fancies a rat!"

With that she stormed into the kitchen.

"Peter Pettigrew… fancies a rat?"

I sighed. "It's a long story."

"I just noticed, you're not wearing eyeliner."

"I just noticed, I might have to put some on you and my fellow Marauders… all these eyeliner jokes since…"

"First year?"

"…Maybe," I said.

"What'd you smell with the Amortentia?"

"Why do you ask?"

"…Helena…"

"Well, a mall, the woods, coffee, and… something I couldn't place my finger on," I lied. "What about you?"

"A Quidditch pitch, bookshop, and… er… well… you?"

"Me?" I asked blankly. If he was telling the truth, then… yeah, he had it bad.

"Yeah. So, I never did figure out how the Marauders took you in."

"It all started at Halloween in first year…"

_-x-Flashback-x-_

_I didn't have too terribly many friends. Jessi, of course. And Remus. But he had his own friends._

_Besides, Jessi and I were a year below him._

_April Corner, a fellow Ravenclaw, was also a friend of mine. She fancied Xeno Lovegood, a third year, who was just a bit of a xenophile, which made his full name, Xenophilius one bit pun._

_But, anyway, April was ranting on about Nargles, and I was bored. Jessi was making eyes at Sirius, which didn't help me._

_I wanted to play a prank. Remus's friends weren't doing so well. They had an excellent prank in the beginning of the year, but the rest had been dismal. Even for second years._

_So I decided to play a prank on Gilderoy Lockhart, the most annoying and egotistical prick in the entire school. Mind you, Lucius Malfoy was still in school at that point._

_I'd need flobberworms, Filibuster's Fireworks, a recording of "Die, Die My Darling" by the Misfits, a way to cut the lights, and the assistance of Moaning Myrtle._

_As Halloween neared, I managed to get everything I needed. Myrtle was to place a hand on Lockhart's shoulder in the dark to make him scream, the flobberworms were to go in his hair._

_This would be priceless._

_During the feast, I got Peeves to help me cut the lights, got my enchanted CD player to play "Die, Die My Darling" so that the music came from the ceiling and echoed eerily. I set of a firework that was set to look and sound like lightning, and Lockhart saw (thanks to a lovely illusion charm of mine) skeletons, not students. When it was black again, Myrtle floated in and put her hand on Lockheart's shoulder, which I knew would feel like ice. Then I dumped the flobberworms in his oh-so-precious hair. He screamed like a little girl. Then the lights came back on, everyone, students again, was disoriented, I was back in my appropriate spot, Lockhart ran out of the great hall screaming "I'm going to DIEEEEEEE!!"_

_The entire Great Hall burst out laughing, even the Slytherins, Myrtle floated back to her bathroom, and Sirius yelled for an encore._

_Of course, Remus knew it was me, so Sirius and James forcibly inducted me into their group, not that I wasn't glad to be in there._

_And the prank was talked about until I graduated, and even now, Jessi's sister Jenna says._

_-x-End-x-Flashback-x-_

"…That was you?"

"Damn straight it was me," I grinned.

"That was absolutely brilliant!"

"It was much needed," I said. "So… er… about the Amortentia…"

"Yeah?"

I was prevented from answering by a loud knock on the front door. I answered it to find Lily. I hugged her.

"Lily! You knocked! Regulus, someone actually knocked!"

He rolled his eyes.

"Actually… I wanted to talk to Sirius, he owled me, apparently he's afraid Regulus's fan club did something to him?"

"Long story," I said. "He's in the kitchen. Follow me."

Arwen and Diana had left. So that left Remus, Sirius, and Jessi.

"Seriously, Moony, mate, what do you smell? _Tell meeee!_" Sirius whined.

"Bloody mentalcase," I muttered.

"Er… a new book, chocolate, and…lily of the valley?"

Which was just what Lily smelled like. She always wore lily of the valley perfume. Oh this was hilarious.

"Why does it smell woodsy in here?" Lily asked loudly.

Which was just what Remus smelled like. This was getting funnier by the second.

"Lily… just what do you smell?" Remus asked.

"A woodsy smell, roses, and the smell of the Hogwarts grounds, just after it's rained."

I fought a laugh.

"Sirius, mate, just for curiosity's sake, what do you smell?"

"Firewhisky," of course: he _is _a drunk, "a Quidditch pitch, and strong perfume?"

A whore or something, probably. Right. So, this was going to be interesting.

"I've got an idea. I'm going to set you four up on blind dates."

"Fine," Lily sighed.

"You're going to force us anyway," Remus added.

"Yay! Girls!" Sirius cheered.

"Only if I get to set you up on a blind date," Jessi said.

"Only if it's not Severus or James."

"Deal."

I sighed. "Be ready at five-thirty on Friday. I'm going to kidnap you and set you up with your dates." Now to find Severus, Arwen, Diana, and James, and talk them into the same thing.

**-x-**

"C'mon, Severus! It'll be fun! Arwen, convince him!"

"It seems like an alright idea. Helena knows what she's doing, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. So, come _on_! It'll be fun!"

"If I say yes, you'll stop pestering me about this?" he asked.

"I swear it."

"Fine," he sighed.

"Great. Sign me up, too," Arwen grinned.

"Be ready on Friday, five-thirty PM."

I grinned and Disapparated. Six down, two to go.

"Progsirella!"

"I swear to_ Merlin_ if you ever sneak up on me like that and scream 'Prongsirella' again, I'll murder you in your sleep, Motley."

"Fine, don't get back out into the dating world. Sulk and become and old maid."

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I want to set you up on a blind date. You in?"

"Fine," he sighed.

"Fine? I expected more of an argument, Prongs. Be ready Friday by five-thirty."

"Just make it with a _girl _who isn't a Death Eater, please."

"Sure thing, Prongsirella!"

I Disapparated before he could yell at me.

I wound up on the front lawn of the Greengrass's house.

I knocked on the door.

Diana and Artemis's brother, David, answered the door.

"Helena Hamilton. How've you been?"

"Pretty good. Is Di home?"

"Yeah, come on in."

Though nearly every Greengrass had been a Slytherin, David had been a Ravenclaw, in my year. He was engaged to a close friend of mine, Marina, who'd been in Ravenclaw as well.

"Artemis has posters of Regulus Black covering her walls," he smirked. "I remember when it was Sirius she loved."

"The strange thing is, she doesn't even like Quidditch."

David laughed. "Yeah. Diana's in her room," he said. "May I ask what you're talking to her about?"

"It's all part of a diabolical plot."

"Just so long as it doesn't involve the Misfits' 'Die, Die My Darling.'"

I grinned. "It doesn't."

"Just watch out for Arty, she thinks you're going to go elope with Regulus…"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm so glad that I only have one older sister…"

Artemis was a year older than Diana, and two years older than David, so he had two older sisters and no brothers.

"Go, before Artemis realizes you're here."

I laughed and went to Diana's room. I knocked on the oddly normal door. Why do I say that? Because…

"Who is it?"

"Helena."

"Come in!" she called.

I opened the door. This is why I insinuated that her room wasn't normal. There were shelves of potion ingredients, and a little picture of Jessi, Severus, Lily, and herself on her bedside table. The entire room was green and silver, and there was always a potion brewing.

Someone certainly loved Severus.

"What's up?"

"How do you feel about me setting you up on a blind date?"

"Who with?"

I rolled my eyes. "It wouldn't be a blind date if you knew who I was setting you up with, would it?"

"I guess not. Are you looking forward to the wedding? We're going to be bridesmaids!"

"The suckish thing is that we need dates," I began, "and I have no idea who to bring."

"Here, here."

"So, I have to go, I need you to be ready to Apparate out at five-thirty on Friday, okay?"

"Okay," Diana said with a smile. "By the way, Artemis wants to kill you."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said. "See you." I Disapparated.

"Helena! You're just in time for _Interview With The Vampire_!" Mikey greeted cheerfully.

"Sweet!"

I sat down on the couch.

"Are you sure you don't love Tom Cruise?" Gerard asked.

"Ew. He's gross. Did you _see_ him in _The Outsiders_?" I mock-gagged. "Gross. I just love _The Vampire Chronicles_. And Romero's _Dead_ series. Zombies and vampires… what more can one want? Well, besides coffee and music…"

Mikey grinned and put the movie on.

**-x-**

"So… er…"

"About the Amortentia," I began, seeing as Regulus was, again, at a loss for words.

"Yeah… I wasn't lying."

"I know," I sighed. Did I like him, though? I mean, the Amortentia smelled like him, but…

"Am I about to find out what that scent you couldn't place your finger on was?"

"…Maybe…" Should I tell him? Probably, but what if…. What if what? I was just using that as some shitty excuse.

"Okay…"

It's now or never. "Well, I did smell like the mall, and the woods, and coffee, but, I, er…" Tell him, damn it, tell him! "I admit: the last smell was the most enticing by far, and extremely familiar. It, er, it reminded me of the night before last, you know, when I accidentally fell asleep on your shoulder? So, er… yeah…"

How the fuck was that an answer?

"So, what?"

"You're going to make me say it, aren't you?" I asked. I knew my face was turning red. "That I really do like you?"

"Seeing as you as good as admitted it just now, I think not."

"Regulus," I began, an idea striking me, "is Jessica trying to set you up on a blind date?"

"Yeah, actually, on Friday, after practice, why?"

"Just wondering…" I said. Ha. Well, there were certainly ways to get around Jessi's 'mastermind' ideas. Namely asking people that you suspect are involved.

"So, may I ask who you're setting up with whom?"

"You may, but I think it's a bit obvious."

"The obvious: Lily and Remus."

"Yep."

"Then… Sirius and Jessi, Diana and Severus, and… Arwen and James?"

"I told you it was obvious."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Well, it's Thursday, 7:30, we've just finished eating…"

"Wanna watch Monty Python?"

"I have no idea what that is."

"Then you _have_ to watch it!"

I grinned as I put it in the VCR and pressed play. This would be funny.

**-x-**

"Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go, I wanna be sedated," Sirius wailed, off-key, as usual.

"Nothin' to do and nowhere to go-o-oh, I wanna be sedated," James cried, joining in.

"Just get me to the airport, put me on a plane," Peter screeched.

"Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane," Remus slurred.

"I can't control my fingers, I can't control my brain," Sirius wailed.

"Oh no no no no no!" James cried.

Oh no was right. My God, Sirius and Peter made Remus and James sound awful. And Remus and James had all right voices.

"Ba-ba-bamp-ba," Sirius and James sang, some time later. Thank God, the end was in sight.

"Ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba," Remus and Peter sang.

"I wanna be sedated," the four boys finished.

"Kill them, kill them!" I whined.

"Helena, d'you have a chainsaw?" Gerard asked.

"No," I pouted.

"Cyanide? Arsenic? A gun? A very large knife would even suffice," Mikey added.

Regulus groaned. "Maybe I should stun them? They're killing the entire city."

"…I'd say go for it, were there not Muggles outside."

"Damn."

"Motley, Mottster, mate, wanna join in?" Sirius slurred.

"Don't you lot have dates tomorrow?"

"As a matter o'fact we do," James slurred. "Silly me!" he giggled.

"What about me?" Peter slurred/whined.

"You've got Barbara," I said.

"Oh, right. I told her I wouldn't be out late. She's going to kill me. Bye, mates!" He stumbled off.

"I –hic- think tha –hic- t we should –hic- go home now –hic- don't you, Motley?" Remus hiccupped.

"Damn straight."

"How'd you love our song?" Sirius asked, grinning.

"I think _I_ want to be sedated," I groaned.

"Now that's not very nice, now, is it?"

"Maybe not, but it's sure as hell true. Now get your arse home and sober yourself up for your date."

"Fine, fine…" Sirius muttered, stumbling off.

"James, m-hic-ate bef-hic-ore you –hic- go, I –hic- have something –hic- to tell –hic- you," Remus hiccupped.

"Sure, Moons, you can tell me anything, I mean it, I love you man!"

"Are you –hic- sure, mate?"

"Sure, I'm sure, I told you, Moonster, I love you!"

"I –hic- love Lily."

I froze. Gerard rolled his eyes. "Here we go again," he muttered, going back inside. Mikey went inside, too, probably to play videogames. Regulus rolled his eyes. "Remind me never to get piss-ass drunk with Sirius," he whispered in my ear.

To my complete surprise, James grinned drunkenly. "That's okay mate, Moons, between us two, I think she liked you at school." He took in a deep breath. "Lils and I are old history now, Moonster, she's all yours."

"Bet he won't say that when he's sober," I muttered.

"Thank –hic- you. Well, I've –hic- gotta go get –hic- sober before my –hic- date!"

"Me too."

James and Remus stumbled off in opposite directions.

"And we've both got blind dates, too, don't we?"

I nodded miserably. "I wanna be sedated," I sang.

_**Author's Note:**__ SO many things I need to say. First: I need at least one more part. Next: I'm slightly depressed. Why? Because __**Mikey and Gerard and Frank and Ray and Bob were so close to where I live!**__ Well, close enough for me to have gone to the concert. But me, with my usual out-of-the-loop-ness, didn't know about the show until it was sold out. And THEN: Marauding Mayhem has shut down. One of the best MWPP sites, ever. I'll miss AtM. Look for a fic inspired by AtM up soon. But if you've got any questions for the Marauders (from the books) send them in. I'll fit them in the new oneshot._

_ALSO: any grammar/spelling errors on the parts of drunken James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are intentional. And I don't own __**"Die, Die My Darling"**__ that's the Misfits. __**"I Wanna Be Sedated"**__ (the song that the drunken Marauders were singing) belongs to the Ramones, not me. Both excellent songs, listen to them if you have the chance._

_Now, with that said, all I have to say is:_

_Review. Or Sirius will sing. You don't want Sirius to sing._


	4. Remus Loves Lily

_**I Don't Love You**_

_**Chapter Four**_

_**Author's Note:**__ This is based off of a challenge I gave a friend, and decided to try for myself. I have another version lined up, but the criteria is as follows:_

_**Pairings:**__ Lily/Remus; Jessi/Sirius; Helena/Regulus; Peter/a rat; James/OC; Snape/OC_

_**Friendships**__: Jessi/Lily/Snape; Helena/Remus/James/Sirius/OC_

_**Houses:**__ Jessi/Hufflepuff; Helena/Ravenclaw; (James's girl) OC/Gryffindor; (Snape's girl) OC/Slytherin_

_**Quotes:**_

_Anyone: "You know, he's not that bad"; "dun dun dahh!"_

_Remus: "Chocolate!"_

_Helena: "Le sigh"_

_Jessi: "Pepsi!"_

_James: "Quidditch. Owns!"_

_Sirius: "Sex, alcohol, and Rock 'n' Roll!"_

_Snape: "Just… shut up."_

_Lily: "You think I care? I love you!" (must be to Remus)_

_Regulus: "I'm not a fucking Death Eater and I'm not going to be, so shut. The fuck. Up, already!!"_

_Peter: "But look at her nose, it's gorgeous!" (to which someone must say: "Uh… Pete… she's __rat__."_

_Either OC: "Pirates __**OWN!**__"_

_**Situations:**__ Jessi and Sirius must get locked in a closet by Mulciber; James must be hit with a bludger; Remus and Lily must be locked in the Divination teacher's office over Christmas Holidays;__Regulus must be smart, funny, and punk and __must__ have a fanclub, which must make Helena laugh._

_**Other:**__ can be oneshot or multichapter. Jessi & Helena must be cousins._

_**How the hell this transpired:**__ Jessi and I are in Algebra 1 together, and she and I were writing notes to each other (we sit next to each other) and I asked who in the Marauder's time did she think we'd fall for, and she said, for her, Sirius, for me, Regulus. And yeah, Helena's kinda me…. Er, yeah, so here goes! This takes place in 1996, not 1979._

**A note about the POV:** It's generally Helena's, but there are bits which she's not there for, but need to be included, so I'm calling it Helena/General.

**-x-X-x-**

**Helena/General POV**

**-x-**

"So… where do I go?" I asked.

Jessi sighed impatiently. I could tell she was rolling her eyes, even though I had her blindfolded. "You're going to meet him at the Hard Rock Café… the reservation's under Snuffalump."

"Wait- reservation? At the Hard Rock?"

"…Maybe…"

"Under… Snuffalump?"

"Yep. Well, you've got to be setting me up now. Soooo–"

"_Silencio_." I sighed. "Ahh… Silence."

I was glad that Marina's parents owned a nice restaurant in London, where I could take the lot of them, and that they could be in private rooms.

I owed Marina big time.

I Apparated in, and set Jessi across the table from Sirius. I removed their silencing charms and their blindfolds.

"Happy Christmas!" I yelled before Disapparating.

Next, get Severus to the table where Diana was already waiting.

I Apparated in.

"My God, Hamilton! _Knock!_"

I grinned. "I see you're ready. We're going to Marina Piccoli's parents' restaurant. Grab hold of my arm," I instructed. He grudgingly obliged. I charmed a blindfold onto him. "And we're off."

I sat him across from Diana and took of there blindfolds, shouting "Happy Chanukah!" before Disapparating this time.

Now… James.

"Jamesie, getting over the hangover?" I asked Apparating in.

"Yes," he said. "Thank Merlin for Bloody Marys."

I laughed. "Come on, Prongsirella, time to see your lovely date."

"…I think… I didn't love Lily. I mean, I care about her, but I don't feel guilty about this date…"

"Come on, Prongs, let's get you away from the vodka and firewhisky."

He rolled his eyes, which I promptly put a blindfold over top of.

Once he was set up with Arwen ("Happy Easter!") I went to get Remus.

"Come on, Moonster, James said… he said he didn't feel guilty, and that he doesn't think he really loved her. C'mon, let's go, let's go. Damn you, Remus, get your Gryffindork arse over here so I can get you to your damn date already!" I snapped.

He blindfolded himself and grabbed hold of my arm. "Fine. Apparate me away."

I grinned and Disapparated. I sat him down in a chair. "Now, sit right here, don't touch your blindfold, and don't talk. I'll have your date shortly."

I Apparated to Lily's. "Lilster!"

"I'm ready for my date. I need to forget about Remus, I need to get back into the–"

"You mean James?"

"I said James, didn't I?" she asked as I tied the blindfold.

"No… Lily, mate, you said Remus."

"No I didn't!"

"_Silencio!_ And you did. Grab hold of my arm."

Lily did so, but I knew she was rolling her eyes. I Disapparated, and took off Lily and Remus's blindfolds, and Lily's silencing charm. "Happy… er… Happy New Years!"

Remus looked at me like I was mental… which I probably am.

"It's August."

I shrugged. "Ah well. Have fun! I have to go to my blind date."

"You're oddly cheery," Lily observed.

"Bye, now!"

I Disapparated to an alleyway near the Hard Rock.

"Helena?"

I turned to find Regulus.

"There's no way in hell I'm asking for a reservation under 'Snuffalump', so, er, I guess we're supposed to be out on a date?"

"…That's what Jessica intended."

He grinned. "So… I guess we have to go out?"

"You're making no show of hiding your happiness, are you?"

He put an arm around my shoulder as we walked out of the alleyway. "Of course not! I've got the most gorgeous girl in all of England right here, and I get to take her out on a date. I don't think _anyone_ would be unhappy in my position."

I rolled my eyes. "Not that I don't like the flattery, but, where are we going to eat?"

He shrugged. "Not to sound whipped, but, wherever you want. I don't care."

"First… are we dating now?"

"If… if you want. I mean, I'm seriously looking at flats, of course, with my job, it's a bit harder to get a flat in London than for most."

"Mikey and Gerard have to go back to New Jersey at the end of the month… I guess you could move in with me… if Brie says it's all right, obviously."

"Uh… are you sure?" Regulus asked.

"Obviously. Now… I think… we should… well why not see a movie?"

"Only if it's not a 'romantic comedy'."

I laughed. "Nah, I wanna see the new horror movie."

"That sounds brilliant."

**-x-**

"So… are you going to be afraid to go to sleep tonight?" I asked with a laugh.

"No…" Regulus said, unconvincingly.

"You liar."

"Well, I have to go back to my parents' house tonight, which will be awful. But I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, we're here," he said slowly.

"'Night," I said as I unlocked the door.

"Lena, wait a second."

I turned around and Regulus kissed me. The kiss was quick, but sweet.

"I-I'll see you tomorrow," he said quickly.

I nodded. "Yeah. See you."

I went inside and mentally slapped myself. Smart. Just brilliant.

"So, I'm guessing that your date went well, judging by your 'kill me now' look," Gerard observed.

"Meh…"

"You screwed it up in the last minute, didn't you?"

I flipped him off and went upstairs to drown myself in music.

**-x-**

"Where's Jessi?" I asked Remus. Wait, what was Remus doing in my kitchen. "Moonster, what are you doing here?"

"Mikey let me in, because I had a vente coffee from Starbucks."

I laughed.

"Yeah, well, consider us even."

"Even?"

"Lily and I hit it off… I mean, I had no idea she remembered it too. I didn't know she wanted to remember it…"

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. …We got locked in the Divination classroom over Christmas Holidays that one year."

"I won't ask any more questions."

"And Jessi is probably over at Sirius's flat."

I groaned. "Nice."

"Sirius will probably try to give me a play-by-play, too."

"Jessi will tell me about things I have absolutely no desire to hear."

Remus sighed. "So, did James really say that?"

"Yeah."

"Wow," Remus said. I knew he didn't believe me, but that was okay, because at that moment James Apparated in.

"Motley, I love you!" he yelled, engulfing me in a hug.

"Can't-breathe," I gasped.

James released me. "I can't believe it, though. I mean, at school Arwen was always just Snivelly's cousin, one of Lily's friends, but now, Merlin, she's so beautiful. I owe you, Motster. How about we play some Quidditch?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I can't play Quidditch to save my life, Prongsie."

"Good point. But, you have to admit, Quidditch. Owns!"

"…Music more so than Quidditch, I think," I said.

James frowned. "Well, once we get enough players to make two teams, I'm playing, and you're watching."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure thing."

"Chocolate!" I heard Remus yell. Ah, he'd spotted the chocolate in the cupboard.

"You can have it," I said.

Remus hugged me. "Now I owe you, too."

I was getting a lot of hugs today, for some strange reason.

I heard a knock at the door, and took the opportunity to escape what I knew would be an awkward conversation.

Of course, at the door was Regulus.

"Hey," he said. "I wanted to talk to you. Want to go for a walk?" He looked at what I was wearing. "Unless you want to get dressed first?"

I realized I was still wearing my pajamas. "Yeah, just wait in the living room for a few minutes."

I let him in and immediately ran upstairs. I quickly put on a Misfits t-shirt, plaid skirt, fishnet tights, and combat boots. I quickly used a charm to straighten my annoyingly curly hair, put on some eyeliner, and ran back downstairs.

"So… we were about to go for a walk?"

Regulus rolled his eyes at my outfit. "Yes, we were."

Neither of us talked for a few blocks, then: "Helena, tell me honestly what you think of me."

"I really do like you, I do, and I really did have fun last night, but–"

"But you don't want to go out with me?"

"No," I said quickly, "you just caught me off guard with that kiss."

"Oh," he said. "So what do you say to another date?"

"Yes!"

"Seriously?"

"Yes, Regulus. You have about zero self confidence, you know that?"

He raised both of his eyebrows. "Only when it comes to you, love."

"Hey, no mushy gooey stuff, okay? I mean, you can call me 'love' but… please no pet names, and don't be annoyingly over-chivalrous. Or I'll hex you."

Regulus sighed. "I know you would. And I've called you love since about first year, haven't I?"

"…Maybe."

"But, no mushy stuff. Not, at least, like them." He nodded in the direction of a sickeningly cute couple. I mean come on! Eskimo kisses and feeding each other freaking cupcakes? Not to mention the pet names they had.

This is why I mock romance movies. Though, I admit, I do read Philippa Gregory, Jane Austen, Margaret Mitchell, and L.M. Montgomery. But, Scarlett O'Hara, Emma Woodhouse, and Anne Shirley are timeless!

I'm talking the 'no _you're_ the cute one' romance movies. Shudder.

Anyway... when we got back to my house, Lily, Arwen, and Diana tried to kill me with hugs.

I'm not Emma Woodhouse, people! I only did it so you'd get off of my back! But, I didn't tell them this.

"I have to go into work, now, but I had to stop by to say thanks!" Lily cried, giving me one last bone-crushing hug before Disapparating.

So, anyway, James got his teams together.

"Where's Sirius?" he asked.

Remus and I exchanged disgusted glances; we were both unfortunately reminded of where Sirius might be.

"Do you want a guess?" I asked. "Because whatever one you'll get will scar you for life."

He cleared his throat. "Right, then. Well, Regulus, you'll captain the other team."

"Sure, why not? I already get stalked as it is," he muttered.

But, at that moment, Jessi and Sirius Apparated in. Drunk.

It was noon.

Who's already piss-ass drunk at noon on a Saturday? Jessica Deputy and Sirius Black, that's who.

"I can't be related to her," Remus and I muttered at the same time that Regulus groaned,

"Why does _he_ have to be my brother?"

"Helena, Hell, how've you been? Let's go up to my room, I gotsta fill you in some stuff!"

I couldn't protest, because Jessi was already dragging me up the stairs.

The first thing Jessi did was take out a vial of Sobering Potion and drink it.

I must admit, that made me a little proud. Partly because I could hear Sirius trying to start singing something that sounded like a _very_ mangled version of "Talk Dirty To Me" by Poison.

"Sirius Black was _definitely_ named after the bigger star."

"La la la, I can't hear you, la la la!"

It was obnoxious and childish, I know, but… I didn't want to hear that sort about Sirius! He's my best mate.

I promptly told Jessi that. "Jessica, Sirius is my best mate. I don't want to hear about anything you did even 'R'-rated with him!"

She pouted, crossing her arms. "Fine!"

"So you did… didn't you?"

"…Yes?"

I groaned. Well, Sirius _was_ butchering a song called "Talk Dirty To Me," so I pretty much figured, but… still.

"Quidditch time!" I heard James yell. "Oi! Regulus! Go get your girlfriend and Jessica and tell them that it's Quidditch time and we need some Sobering Potion."

Jessica turned to me. "_Girlfriend?_"

I really wished I could disappear. Damn, the time you needed the One Ring, you don't have it. Sorry, a bit of an LotR ramble. Er, for those of you that don't know, the One Ring is evil, slowly possesses your soul, it was created to control the other rings and if you put it on, you became invisible. Get it? No. Too bad.

The point was, damn, I needed to buy a Hobbit.

Hmm… where could we find Hobbits for sale? Especially Bilbo or Frodo Baggins or even Sméagol/Gollum.

Shame I couldn't go to Knockturn today.

Regulus knocked lightly on the door. "Er… Helena, Jessica? James says he needs to get a Sobering Potion, and that you two need to get down there so we can all play Quidditch."

"You can come in," Jessi said.

Regulus entered and Jessi tossed him a vial of Sobering Potion, which he caught perfectly.

"And he knows I can't play Quidditch to save my life," I said.

Regulus grinned. "You'll watch."

"But… I wanna be a cheerleader, too!" Jessi whined.

"I'm no damn cheerleader!" I yelled. "But I _will_ watch."

Jessi frowned. "Well, let's go play Quidditch. You two kids go into another room; I need to get my cheerleading outfit on."

She shoved us out and slammed the door in our face.

"I really wish she was more like Chrissy. She'd say 'Mozel tov! congratulations to the happy couple', and be on her way. Or talk about anime…" I paused for a second. "You know, she's one of my cooler cousins."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Sirius was trying to go in detail. I think it was Di and Arwen that stopped him."

I groaned. "Lovely."

**-x-**

The game ended about ten minutes in when Regulus caught the Snitch and James had to be rushed to St. Mungo's.

He got hit in the head with a Bludger by Sirius, which made it all the funnier.

Of course, when the Healer (Lily, oddly enough) said that he was fine, me, being my completely overdramatic self, screamed, "Oh thank you, Healer Evans! Thank you!"

I attracted many weird stares and Regulus slapped his forehead.

Well, I'm not normal. I never lied and said I was.

"You're completely mental, love," Regulus murmured, some time later. We were watching _Sid and Nancy_.

"You know, the bloke who plays Sid Vicious, what's his name? Gary Oldman? He looks a bit like Sirius."

"I guess so… but, Sid Vicious can sing a damn sight better."

I laughed. "Le sigh."

"Le sigh?" Regulus repeated.

"Saying 'sigh' instead of actually sighing. And 'le' sounds cool in front of a lot of verbs."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, it looks like James Potter is really over Lily Evans, and Remus Lupin finally got the girl."

"I always thought Lily and Remus looked better together…"

Regulus laughed. "Better than us?"

"No, you dumb ass, better than Lily and _James_."

So I was always secretly hoping for Remus and Lily. So what?

**-x-**

_Author's Note: This is the last CHAPTER. I'm going to write an epilogue, though._

_See, this is the main reason ReLy rocks (that's Remus/Lily, people):_

_Lily, James, and Sirius all would have, theoretically, lived. Because Harry wouldn't have been 'Born as the seventh month dies' thus the "Chosen One" and "Boy-Who-Lived" would be Neville, and come on, Neville rocks._

_Anyway, please review. Even flames and CC are accepted. But I'd much prefer the praise._

_If anyone gets the Sid Vicious/Sirius joke tell me and you get a virtual cookie!_


End file.
